Hi.
I'm kinda excited for tomorrow, we're finally launching the NextGen Space for the teens. So yeah, that'll be nice. But right now, I don't know, I'm feeling... funny.
Okay, so today's Friday, as you might know, and as usual, I went to school. The thing is, I didn't go to school on Thursday cause I wasn't feeling too good. I was sick, basically. Anyway, this morning I arrived at school a little later than usual (by 15 minutes) and when I walked into class, well, I felt weird. My classmates were kinda giving me the cold shoulder, and the only one that said "hi" to me when I walked in was Ming Zhun. The rest kinda gave me a blank stare. I don't know why. Yeah, so during the our break, we were allowed to talk to people. But well, I kinda just stayed seated and observed people. Which is funny, since I usually get up to talk, but well, it was different this morning. Yeah, so I stayed seated and everyone else was walking about talking to each other, but, no one talked to me. Which again, is funny, because the people that usually talked to me walked pass my desk without even saying hi. By this time I was worried. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something earlier that might've triggered something? I don't know. The only people who came and talked to me were Sarah and Eliza. The other people... ignored me.
I mean, I don't want to make these people look bad, I just don't understand why they treated me like that. And, for some odd reason, they all started talking to me at lunch. I don't know. I'm just confused. And actually, sad.
Another thing is worrying me is my friend, who is a guy, which I'd talked about a lot in the previous post. Well, I don't really know what's going on in his life, but the things that he Tweets sound really sad, and it's making me worried. He hasn't been online for the past few days, too. I just, I care for him. Because I kinda understand how he's feeling, and I don't want him to feel like that. I hate watching people live their lives in misery. And all these Tweet updates, he sounds so miserable in every one of them. And I don't know what to do. He's nice, like really, really nice. I want to help him, but I don't want to be too nosy. I don't know what to do. Sigh. I really want to help him. And I just really, really want to talk to him and ask what's going on. But he isn't online much, and I don't have his number so, I can't do that. :(
One more thing that has been worrying me is, well, I don't know. It's just me, I guess. Everything about me is worrying me. Sometimes it's my relationship with my family, my relationship with God. Sometimes it's the way I behave, and the way I look at everything. Sometimes, I really do wish I could sit down with someone that totally 100% understands me, and talk openly with that person. That would be so nice. And most of you would say that that's what moms are for, but well, I don't know. I really don't want to sound selfish or anything in this post, this is just how I've been feeling lately. So much has been crowding up and weighing down on my shoulders, I just don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing. Sometimes I just feel that everything doesn't matter anymore, that I could just shut everyone out and just, forget everything. But that isn't how life works.
Sometimes I just want to lie on the ground and scream, and cry. And I just want to figure out what really is the matter with me.
I don't mean to rant, but I just don't know about anything anymore.
Sometimes I really do wish there was a kind human form that would be so nice to just listen and understand.
I've done that with so many people, why can't just one person do that just once, for me.
I know love is unconditional, but one person can only give so much.
I'm sorry if I wasted your time. But it kinda encourages me, you know, that someone is reading about my problems.
xx
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