thoughts at one in the morning

So. It's nearly been a year since I last posted something. It kinda makes me sad that this blog's been dead for so long, I mean, come on, look how pretty I made it. Shame to have it lie idle.

I'm gonna try to post more frequently again. You've read this sentence a billion times. But here's the thing, I need to keep this blog alive. I need something to motivate me to write again. I need something to get me back in love with writing. 

It's funny how you can easily lose interest in the things you love, how you stop making effort to get better at your talent, and let the love for that one thing wither away until one fine day you discover something truly tragic: you're no longer as good at it as you once were. This is me now, hating myself for putting my love for writing on pause because of other priorities like school and family. But you know what? I think laziness is mixed somewhere in there, too. The laziness to keep working towards your goal. And then feeling discouraged after that, and then going on this massive guilt trip at the end. 

The same thing goes for reading. I used to be able to read multiple books a week and now I can barely get past a couple chapters in a month. It's bad. Really bad. I'm supposed to be a lover of words and yet here I am trapped in a limbo of "Well I do love it but I don't really have the motivation to do it anymore." So did I really love it in the first place? 

That's a painful thought. But I refuse to sit back and allow my love for words to die away. No. I'm reigniting the fire, and I'm going to rediscover my first love once more. 

I'm excited. I'm excited to begin writing here again. It's been way too long. This page deserves to be filled with stories of my life, or just stories in general. Even if no one reads it, I'm doing it because I believe my soul needs it, desperately. 

So yes. Expect to see a new post every week. I'm on break now so that'll be a lot easier to do. Prepare yourself for a LOT of updates.

I will be back.

xx.